Couples counselling is a powerful tool for strengthening relationships, but what happens after the session is just as important as what happens during it. These sessions often bring up deep, sometimes uncomfortable, conversations, and it’s common for couples to leave with differing needs regarding how to process what was discussed. Having a plan for the post-session period can help avoid conflict, reinforce progress, and support the growth of your relationship.
How to Plan for After the Session
1. Set Boundaries and Expectations in Advance: It’s important to discuss how you’ll handle the topics raised after the session before your appointment. For example, one partner might feel the urge to continue processing immediately, while the other might need space to reflect. Establishing clear boundaries ensures that both of you feel heard and respected. Consider setting guidelines like:
Agreeing on whether to revisit the session’s discussions later in the day or let them sit until the next session.
Deciding on a “cooling-off” period after the session, where both of you take time individually to digest what was said.
Tip: Use “I” statements when setting boundaries (e.g., “I feel like I need time to reflect before discussing anything further”) to avoid sounding accusatory or demanding.
2. Plan for Time to Reconnect: Counselling sessions can be emotionally intense, leaving both partners feeling drained. Make time to intentionally reconnect after the session. This can be something simple and calming, such as:
Going for a walk together in a peaceful environment.
Having a relaxed meal or coffee at your favourite spot.
Watching a comforting movie or engaging in a shared hobby.
The idea is to bring a sense of calm and togetherness back into your relationship before returning to daily routines. This transition time helps ensure you don’t immediately dive back into the stress of everyday life without processing what was covered.
Tip: If you’re both feeling emotionally overwhelmed, opt for activities that promote relaxation and togetherness, like mindfulness exercises or deep breathing together.
3. Decide on the Best Way to Debrief: Couples vary in how they prefer to process what’s discussed in counselling. Some may find it helpful to debrief soon after, summarising key takeaways and any insights. Others might prefer to let things settle before revisiting them. Options for debriefing include:
Setting a specific time to check in with each other after the session, either later that day or the next morning.
Using a shared journal where you both write down thoughts and reflections, then exchange entries.
Creating a “session highlights” list together, focusing on positive steps or commitments made during the session.
Tip: If one partner prefers to debrief immediately while the other needs space, agree to compromise. For instance, have a brief check-in immediately and then schedule a more in-depth discussion for a time that suits you both.
What to Avoid After Couples Counselling
1. Don’t Jump Back Into Conflict: It’s common for unresolved emotions or ongoing issues to resurface between sessions, but it’s important to approach these discussions carefully. Diving back into conflict without reflecting on the strategies discussed in counselling can undo progress. If tensions rise, consider taking a break and revisiting the topic when both of you are in a calmer state.
Tip: Establish a “pause and reset” signal—a word or gesture you both agree on—to use if one of you feels the conversation is becoming too heated.
2. Avoid Overloading Yourselves with Other Stressors: After a session, it’s tempting to catch up on all the tasks or chores you’ve missed, but try to resist the urge to jump straight into problem-solving mode. Give yourselves some breathing room. If possible, avoid packing the day with errands or high-pressure situations right after a session.
Tip: Consider scheduling your sessions for a day or time when you have fewer responsibilities, so you can give yourselves some downtime afterward.
Building a Stronger Relationship Between Sessions
Counselling is most effective when the work doesn’t end when you leave the room. Here are some tips for keeping the momentum going between sessions:
Check-In Regularly: Set a weekly check-in time where you both share how you’re feeling and any thoughts about your relationship progress.
Practice Active Listening: During these check-ins or other conversations, focus on really hearing each other without interrupting or immediately responding. Reflect back what your partner says to show you understand.
Use Tools from the Session: Implement any communication techniques, exercises, or strategies suggested by your counsellor. Consistency is key to creating lasting change.
By planning and agreeing on how to navigate the time after couples counselling sessions, you can reduce potential conflicts and enhance the benefits of your therapy. At Kōwhai Therapeutic Services, we’re here to support you every step of the way as you work towards a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
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