The building blocks of narrative therapy: Key concepts explained

Externalising problems (you are not your problem)

Narrative therapy begins with a powerful shift in perspective: your problems exist outside of you, not within you. This process, called externalisation, creates space between you and your challenges.

When you say "I am depressed" or "I am an anxious person," you merge your identity with the problem. But when you say "Depression is affecting me right now" or "Anxiety is trying to control my decisions," you position yourself as separate from the problem—and therefore capable of responding to it.

Externalisation works through careful language shifts:

• "I'm a failure" becomes "The story of failure is influencing how I see myself"

• "I'm so disorganised" becomes "Disorganisation has been disrupting my work"

• "I'm a bad parent" becomes "I'm facing parenting challenges I want to overcome"

This separation creates room for you to examine the relationship you have with the problem, rather than seeing it as an unchangeable part of who you are.

Re-authoring your life story

The most transformative aspect of narrative therapy is the process of re-authoring your life story. This isn't about denial or fantasy—it's about recognising that multiple valid interpretations exist for any life experience.

What re-authoring looks like

Re-authoring begins by identifying the dominant stories you tell about yourself. These are often problem-saturated narratives that overshadow your strengths and possibilities. For example:

• "I've always been the black sheep of the family"

• "My anxiety controls everything I do"

• "I never finish what I start"

The therapist helps you examine these stories critically: Where did they come from? Who benefits from you believing them? What evidence contradicts them?

Then comes the creative work of constructing alternative narratives that are equally true but more empowering:

• "I've charted my own path even when it was difficult"

• "I've managed anxiety enough to create a meaningful life"

• "I've completed many important projects when they aligned with my values"

The re-authoring process

1. Identify the dominant narrative that has been limiting you

2. Find contradictions and exceptions to this story in your life experience

3. Develop a richer narrative that includes your strengths and successes

4. Thicken the new story by connecting it to your values and important relationships

5. Live into the new story by making choices that align with this empowering narrative

Is complete re-authoring possible?

The extent to which you can re-author your life depends on several factors:

• Personal agency: Some circumstances are more changeable than others

• Social context: Cultural and family narratives exert powerful influence

• Timing: Some stories are easier to rewrite when you have distance from them

• Support: Having others who validate your new narrative makes a difference

Complete transformation isn't always possible or even necessary. The goal isn't to erase difficult experiences but to develop a more nuanced understanding that creates space for growth and change.

What is absolutely possible, however, is developing a relationship with your story where you become its author rather than its victim. You can learn to hold your narrative more loosely, revising it as you gain new experiences and insights.

Finding unique outcomes

Every problem story has gaps—moments when the problem wasn't present or didn't have as much power. Narrative therapists call these "unique outcomes" or "sparkling moments," and they serve as entry points to alternative stories.

When someone says, "My depression controls my life," the therapist might ask:

• "Can you tell me about a time recently when depression didn't have the final say?"

• "Have there been moments, even brief ones, when you felt a sense of enjoyment?"

• "What were you doing differently during those times?"

These exceptions aren't dismissed as flukes but explored as evidence of capability. A single afternoon when you felt motivated despite "always being lazy" contains valuable information about what conditions support your energy and focus.

Unique outcomes show that no problem is present 100% of the time. By studying these exceptions, you discover resources and abilities that the problem story had obscured.

How language shapes our experience

The words we use don't just describe our reality—they help create it. Narrative therapy pays special attention to language as a tool for constructing meaning.

Consider these contrasting ways of describing the same situation:

• "I failed again" vs. "This specific approach didn't work"

• "She always criticises me" vs. "There's tension in how we communicate"

• "I'm stuck in this dead-end job" vs. "I'm gathering experience while considering my next move"

Each framing creates different emotional responses and suggests different possibilities for action. By becoming more conscious of language choices, you gain power to reshape your experience.

Narrative therapists often listen for:

• Absolute terms like "always," "never," and "every time"

• Identity claims like "I am" statements that define a person by their problem

• Hidden values revealed in what someone considers success or failure

• Agency language that shows where someone feels in control or powerless

Through careful attention to language, narrative therapy helps you recognise how stories are constructed—and how they can be reconstructed in ways that better serve your wellbeing and goals.

Putting it all together

These building blocks work together to create profound shifts in how people relate to their challenges:

1. Externalisation creates space between you and the problem

2. Finding unique outcomes reveals your capabilities and resources

3. Re-authoring develops richer, more empowering narratives

4. Attention to language gives you tools to construct new meanings

Through this process, narrative therapy doesn't just help you solve problems—it transforms your relationship with yourself and your life story.

Curious enough to rewrite your story? We have a few therapists here at Kōwhai who specialise in Narrative Therapy. Get in touch.